Co Sleeping and Sex – The secret sex-life of parents and sleeping Baes
Surprise! Parents with young children who bed share still have sex.
But how?! …… well that is totally up to the parent and their comfortable with sex, sexuality and creativeness when it comes to keeping the intimacy alive in the often challenging yet beautifully expansive times of new parenthood.
Bed-Sharing or co-sleeping is often a controversial topic within itself add sex into the mix and some people lose their minds. For me co-sleeping and sex has been a constant juggling act for the past decade. I have co-slept with both my babies and my youngest who is 6years old still sleeps with mum and dad. My sex life is flourishing. Although co-sleeping has changed how and when we have sex it has never had a negative impact on our sex lives.
What is co-sleeping or bed sharing?
Co-Sleeping is the practice of sleeping with your children, or having a child/ren sleep in the ‘big bed’ or ‘parents bed’. It is a controversial practice in the parenting world although not uncommon with estimated 30% of parents from Western countries reported co-sleeping to some degree over the last year.
The purpose of this blog is not to argue the risks and benefits of co-sleeping, to which there are many. It is the Royal College of Australians Paediatricians recommendations that co-sleeping increasing the risk of sudden infant death syndrome and is ultimately not recommended. See guidelines here. If you do choose to co-sleep with your little ones you can find here safety recommendations from the Royal Children hospital of Melbourne.
Keeping the sex-life alive while co-sleeping
Choosing to co-sleep does not mean you are choosing a sexless life. It is possible to keep the sexual spark alive while co-sleeping in fact a recent review study in sexes 2021 showed bed sharing does not exert significant negative impact on family functioning [including parental sex-life] and, when it does, it appears to be related to parental beliefs and in-congruent expectations.
So how logistically are parents ‘doing it’, this brings up so many questions. Plenty of experts say it is safe for sex while co-sleeping using common sense and some guidelines regarding safety for all involved.
I know of many parents that have sex while their children are asleep in the room, making sure the young child is sleeping, will remain asleep and no risk of harm, ultimately it is up to the parents to exercise their judgment while it feels OK for them.
Once a child is asleep it is not uncommon for parents to sneak into another room of the house for some alone time. The lounge room, kitchen, bathroom, take your pick. Even setting up make shift bedding on the bedroom floor while your little one is sound asleep on the bed. This creativity can help add excitement into the sexual repertoire. The extra spice can be nice.
As parents you do not want to cause harm to your children, keeping them safe and protected from witnessing something they do not understand or can cause harm is the priority always. Ultimately if parent exercise their judgment, take into account child’s cognition, safety and ability to be discrete there is no reason co-sleeping should add to the confounding aspects of new parenthood that can negatively impact your sex-life.
